Last spring, my beautiful and enormous lavender plant almost didn’t make it through the winter. It wasn’t a particularly hard winter, but somehow it didn’t fully survive. I had to trim her back 85% – 90% and was crushed to see her so thin and fragile. I remember my heart feeling heavy as I clipped away at her dull and brittle body, giving love and energy to what was left. I did feel her energy, but it was weak. Gratefully, through the summer, she managed to bounce back a little bit. She even offered a few blooms so I could harvest them. Flash forward to this year, she is growing and filling out wonderfully! This spring, she was thriving. There were many sprouts of new growth and at least triple the flowers from last year. Physically, she is the same plant yet, she feels a little different to me.
In the early morning light and stillness, I was sitting with my lavender, who is an important plant ally of mine. I decided to tune in a little bit. So much of her died off last year. Now she is a mix of old and new. There is a strong, determined and centered energy to her as an older plant. She feels like someone who is observant with gentle wisdom. Then there is the other side that is offering a fresh perspective and determination. Maybe it’s a rebellious energy that is moving me to keep going even if I’m not sure how to move forward. She was telling me to get out of my own way and think a little differently. It was in that moment I noticed that I had a bunch of bees buzzing around my hands and my head. Once upon a time, I would have run away from fear of the bees. Now, I am sitting here, communing with the lavender and smiling at the bees buzzing from blossom to blossom as they danced around me.
After some thought, I started to see the pieces come together. My lovely lavender plant isn’t the same. She never will be. The mix of old and new growth of lavender transformed her into the plant she is today. She is still lavender, but her energy is different. A large part of her had to be cut away. If it wasn’t, she could have died. Although I was sad at her physical look last year, her spirit was strong and fed her energy. Throughout the year, her determination or perhaps defiance, brought forward new life that is continuing to evolve today.
My ally’s growth is much like those of us who look inward to explore all our parts through shadow work. We willingly dive into places that we have hidden away within ourselves. Many times, during this work, we must cut away what no longer serves us or what may be dying inside for new growth to take place. There is a clearing of our inner landscape, leaving us feeling vulnerable and even naked. During this process, we even may think that we don’t look like ourselves. Yet, we keep going and growing, trying our damnedest to heal, transform, and evolve. That is the hope and goal anyway. Lavender reminded me of that important lesson.
There is an interesting parallel to this exchange that I realized as I am typing this up. From March 2021 to this March 4th, I underwent an intensive year of shadow work myself. There were times when I felt like I didn’t look or feel like myself. I didn’t recognize who I was or know what the outcome would be. The transformation and healing process is messy and many times quite confusing. However, with the support of loved ones and allies, lavender included, we can make it through our most trying and darkest times. It takes time and perseverance with a lot of gentleness and care. If you need the help during the process, it is ok to reach out for help. It is how we make it through to the other side. It is not the first time in our lives where we change. It will not be our last.
Reflecting on your life, how have you transformed through the years? What were some of the steps you took? When we go through these changes, our thoughts and patterns / behaviors evolve, hopefully for the best. How have they for you? Sometimes when we are feeling stuck or unsure of ourselves, it can be helpful to look back. The lessons we learn can be like drawing back an arrow with a bow. There are times when we must look to our past in order to propel us forward. What are your thoughts on this?
Please take some time for yourself today. Allow yourself to explore where you have been and how you got to where you are now. Did you have signs from friends and allies that paralleled your experience like I did with lavender? May the gentle and truthful communications of Lavender offer some insight into yourself today. May she show you the way back into your life. You may be surprised how far along your path you really are.
Blessings to you,
Renee Bedard
The Whispering Crow
The Whispering Crow 